An Unbearable Pain
by XanderLuvsAll
Summary: Arthur remembers as Merlin lays dying in his arms


It wasn't until Arthur had Merlin's blood on his hands, Merlin's dying body in his arms that Arthur remembers. All of their lives together, all the times they had found love together and those that they had not been anything but friends. All the times they had lost each other, all the pain of living on without the other half of them and it was destroying him, especially as one thing stood out. This time there wasn't enough time, they had never been so early separated. It wasn't enough time, they hadn't been together long enough, they had barely met and already Arthur was losing him before he had even really had had they lost each other before they had even gained their memories back. Arthur clutched Merlin to him.

"There's not enough time. It hasn't been enough time...You can't leave me, Merlin. Not before you even know me..Please, Merlin, fight. Give me your legendary spirit...Please. You can't leave me so soon...I need you...I love you..Don't leave me, it hasn't been enough time...Merlin, FIGHT."Arthur screamed as he watched Merlin slip further and further away from him, leaving him for death once again. It was to soon and Arthur wanted to just keep screaming until he woke up and discovered it was all just a nightmare, even at the expense of losing his memories.

They had all long ago agreed that in the end, their memories were more important then anything else as it assured them all that no matter what they would always be reunited. But now, now Arthur was losing Merlin after only six months together. Which was nothing for the two of them when once they had been together for eighty years. Eighty glorious years that they had to have again. Now, in this life and not the next.

"Arthur...I have...only known you for...months but...I love...you..."With that Merlin took his last breath on Earth. At least for this lifetime. Arthur screamed again in pure and utter agony at his loss and continued to do so until the ambulance arrived, far too late to do any good, and sedated him but even with the sedative in him it took the three paramedics and two witness to separate Arthur from Merlin's body. The moment they were separated, Arthur past out as the will to be conscience left Arthur, the blessing of the bliss of unconsciousness was all the peace he would get for the rest of his life.

Arthur woke up in the hospital and wasn't surprised to see his father there but he was surprised to be there. Why was he in the hospital and where was Merlin? Wait, who was Merlin? He meant Mark. Where was Mark? Whenever he was hurt or had a cough Mark was there..Wait. He had never been hurt since meeting Mark and while he was sick and Mark did hover over him, it wasn't something that had happened enough for it to be a recurring theme..Why was his head so fuzzy?..Why did he feel so empty yet filed with agony? Why was he missing...something important to him? Why was his father looking at him like that, so full of worry, pain and dread? He wasn't hurt so why was his father reacting that way?

"Alex, you need to focus on me. I know the drugs they have you on are strong but...we need to talk about this.. Hansel has said that you can help with the...arrangements if your..up for it...You won't be able to leave for another day.75 hour hold in case you... You can leave in a day and Hansel wants to hold the...On Saturday..I'm so sorry, Alex...I never thought...It was far to soon...Its never happened like this before..."Alex had enough of being confused by every word coming out of his father's mouth and so spoke.

"Father, what are you talking about. Why am I here? What arrangements?Why am I being held? Isn't 75 hour for suicides? Why would anyone think I'm suicidal? What are you sorry for?" And finally the one that mattered to him the most,"Where is Mark? Why isn't he here?" The raw devastation that appeared on his father face after shock made him regret the questions but he desperately needed to know, at least the last one. Mark, he needed Mark, it was like Mark was his very breath. It had been that way since he had met him months ago and all their lives before.. Wait. WHAT?

"Alex..Arthur...I'll go get the Doctor?" Which he swiftly did and the Doctor asked him really stupid questions which he answered while asking over and over again where Mark was. Getting more and more anxious until finally he was shouting the question and someone shoved a needle into him. And Alex once again woke up in a hospital with his father beside him, this time so was Megan, Gilly,Galin and Larry. They were all staring at him with devastating sad expression and just like that he remembered. . There was a keening noise in the room and it took a while for Arthur to realize that it was coming from him but he still couldn't stop it and didn't particularly care. Merlin was gone. .. . HIM...Once again there was a prick in his arm and he was knocked out.

This time Arthur woke up in the hospital and knew the truth and wished he didn't as he had just lost Merlin and was now remembering all the other time he had lost his love. It wasn't helping him, it was making it worse..It was making him consider the rarely done option of coping for . They all frowned upon it as they all knew that in the next life at least some of them would be reunited but sometimes it did happen. The grief would be to much and the one mourning would be allowed to go, after all sometimes the grief was to intense and the thought of the next life not a comfort.

After all, sometimes they weren't reunited, they could sometimes go lifetimes without reuniting with all of each other. And they had been together in several different pairings over the centuries. All of them knew that they loved each other but that some of the pairings meant more than others but they didn't care. They were all meant to be in some form or other after all and nothing could truly separate them. Not even death in  
>the end.<p>

Arthur turned to his family, his father Uther-Uriel, his brother Gwaine-Galin, his brother's girlfriend Morgana-Megan, Mark's brother Lancelot-Larry and Larry's girlfriend Gwen-Gilly. "I...remember." They all looked at him and he just started to cry again. To overcome with everything that had happened to him.


End file.
